The Gender Bible


On the day of our birth, whether we like it or not, we are given a 'gender bible.' We are too young to accept it, but it is thrust upon us ready for when we are old enough to take a proper look.

It seems that the bible itself isn't necessary though, because people keep telling you what is in it. They will buy you clothes that match the gender stereotype in your bible, and toys to go with it. They will tell you what you are supposed to like and what you shouldn't. This is all whilst you are too young to choose your own bible. 

The pages in the bible are really highlighted when it comes to birthdays and Christmas' as well-meaning family and friends chose something for you from the 'gender catalogue'. A pink toy phone for a girl that looks nothing like the real thing, whilst their brother gets a real looking one for a more serious approach.

Special occasions are also noted in the bible as having specific dress code. A dress for a girl that feels as uncomfortable as the inside of a potato bag, white frilly socks and uncomfortable shoes. A boy, perhaps wearing something just as stereotypical; a smart shirt, pants and smart trainers. This is just a uniform, not a choice if it is put upon us as a child. We are simply just following the rules in our gender bible.

When we are old enough to read our own gender bible, if there is something in there that we disagree with, you know that you can't change the book or give it back. You are stuck with a book that you may or may not want. The bible will have guidance for how to present yourself. For a woman, you are to be an ideal of 5ft 5 inches tall, have a 26 inch waist and be 9 stone 3lb. For a man, slightly taller than 6ft, 13.3lb with a 33 inch waist. Hair is preferred to be brown or blonde. Long on a woman and short on a man.

When you start to read your gender bible yourself, these things can really stand out to you. You might not look like the guidance in your bible and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it because it is the way your body has naturally grown. Before you know it, a lot of us start to slip outside the guidance and  even off the page. When I went outside the gender bible image I would try things like, high heels and  make-up to make me fit in better. But I soon found that high heels were too uncomfortable and that make-up was making my skin too sore. The gender bible was becoming problematic for me. As with others, you may start to realise that the gender bible is doing you no favours, yet it is not often recognised as being the cause of any conflicting feelings about yourself.

I wonder what it could be like not to have accepted our gender bibles that are thrust upon our souls during our new beginnings of life. How different we could all feel and how much freer. I am in awe of the people who can recognise this earlier on and who do reject their bibles so they can be who they really are. Maybe some of us can understand a lot of the language that is in our bible, but for a few, they don't understand it. For them it doesn't make any sense. They don't align themselves with the images in the stereotypical section and they don't relate to the facts of who the bible says they should be. Shouldn't we all be able to reject the bible, and more importantly, make our own files on who we are? If you can own it ourselves, we can be creative in the ways we show up. We don't have to fear that we haven't quite remembered the scripts and that we might get it all wrong, because there is no right or wrong. We are just who we are. 







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why do I feel the way I do? (a guide to attachment)

  Why am I feeling the way I do?  (a guide to attachment) When we are young, we pick things up from our caregivers. We learn when/if it is safe to ask for something, or if it is safe to show our emotions. What we learn from our caregivers can stay in our bodies for the rest of our lives. We might remain hypervigilant and are always looking out for how others are behaving so that we can adjust our own behaviour to suit. This often shows up such as going our of our way to make sure we don't upset anyone, always saying yes, never speaking up for our own needs - often not even knowing what these needs are.  The stress that we carry in our bodies from being young can feel like; a tight jaw, teeth grinding/clenching, tense shoulders, a tight stomach, shallow breathing, trouble reaching a top breath for air. However, if we start to notice these patterns then we can start to break these habits and begin to create our own pathways that feel safe. Here's an example; We are a child,...
Read more
Image
Reflecting on Anxiety and phone usage  How strange is it that we as a species, are so intelligent, yet the more we improve things in our world, we move further away from who we are. As human beings, we are animals, yet we are slowly being made into robots. At one time, we could notice what our bodies needed by trusting our instincts. The feelings we noticed would give us signals that we need the toilet, we are hungry, full or tired. We could then make sure we acted accordingly. Nowadays we h ave so many apps for all these things that if we are not on our phones, we may become anxious because we feel we need to be doing something and so we turn to our phones for answers. Being neurodivergent, like myself, can also make this tricky because a lot of these apps are helpful for us. They help us to prioritise things and remember tasks. Whilst I think these are helpful in some ways, I feel they could cause an even bigger issue in the long run because we are needing to rely on our phones m...
Read more
Image
 More Than Enough: A Letter To The Overwhelmed. You go through life being told that you are not doing enough, that you are failing and that you need to put in more effort. If they only knew that you were already putting in 150% effort every minute of everyday just to stay on top of things. You felt completely misunderstood growing up as you would often say the wrong thing without bad intention, and you would get a feeling of being different to everyone else.  You stumble through life being psychologically knocked and bumped every day. You have no idea who you are because you have tried so hard not to be the person others have criticised. You mirror other people in order to feel safe and understood and to shield yourself from more criticism. You feel the energy in a room and are highly attuned to the emotions of others around you. You try to attend to these emotions to help reduce any conflict.  You over extend yourself. You say yes to things when you really want to say no...
Read more